When You Are Not Here
by Hieisdrkangel
Summary: My first yaoi fic. A SasoDei tragedy, but it ends sweet.


When You Are Not Here

Pairing: SasorixDeidara

Genre: Angst/Romance

Disclaimer: If I could own Naruto, I'd make my couples real!

**Notes:** So, this is my first yaoi ficlet. Yes, first time ever. Hope all you yaoi fans enjoy this one, there's plenty of angsty stuff going on here and there is romance. They'll be some mature scenes going on, nothing too hardcore I hope. Well this is about one of my favorite pairings ever, SasoDei. I love them, so this is about Deidara's loneliness and despair when he sees danna near death. Hope you like it!

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_When you are not here_

_I will be screaming with tears_

_Because my heart can not bear_

_This loss which is you..._

That is what he felt when he saw his lifeless, wooden face. When those crimson eyes were not shining; when those eyes are not opened he felt miserable. It was the day his mind would be in torment and his heart felt unbalance. There was no denying that he has lost something valuable, something that made his stomach churn and his throat tense and tighten. Their last day together before they kidnapped the Kazekage of Sunagakure before they even extracted the Shukaku from his body. This was before their last mission and for them to fight side by side and when he gave his life to be with the one he loved... He never regretted his own death.

It was night and things were going swell, Hidan has finally gave into Kakuzu's dominance and horny attitudes. The silver haired finally accepted his money obsessed lover, but the two worked so well as the immortal. It was still unknown whether Kisame has captured the Uchiha traitor and it was a mysterious whether or not Itachi even attracted the blue shark man. Whether his Sharingan eyes looked and stared at the tall man's small, yellow eyes. It was still unknown and nobody dared ask about their relationship.

Now all it was left was two artists; two creators of beauty and destruction. The blond was laying on the bed in his dark room and staring at the ceiling feeling almost... Lonely. He had just had an argument with the red haired man, even though the blond kept his feelings in and tried not to cry. He couldn't help but feel as though his partner was really putting all his anger in the discussion. The Iwa nin felt helpless and defeated, he retreated in his room and cried on the bed.

Crying in silence so that no one will listen and whimpering softly to himself, he cried and cried until he could not cry anymore. So he was lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling and feeling miserable, he sighs and decides to try to sleep. When his eye closed and felt that sleep was consuming him, mind, body, and soul. Hours later there was a tug and his eye opened out of fear, his cloak was gone and all was left was his fishnet shirt and black pants. Chills went all around his delicate body and whimpered when he felt wooden fingers crawling on to his soft skin. The blond gasped and tried to speak when a deep voice whispered into his ear.

"Deidara... my Deidara... sumimasen for hurting your feelings... I'll make it up to you..." The ex-Suna nin whispered and pressed his lips against the blond's cheek.

"...danna..." Deidara blushed and purred when his only love began trailing kisses down to his neck and began to moan softly.

"S-Sasori-danna... n-naze... un?"

"Because..." Sasori begins to slip one of his wooden hands under the blond's shirt, feeling the softness of his skin and hearing a soft moan coming from the Iwa nin. The way Sasori plants his lips on the base of Deidara's neck as his tongue came out to lick him.

The blond felt pleasure rushing all around his slender form, for a young man like him his body was energetic and young. Quite the attractive sight indeed, he had not noticed that it caused for the red haired to fall victim to such... Beauty. Even Sasori himself never thought to have this sudden urge, as if something inside him begged him to go and search. That is what he did, rather than working on his complicating puppets or his poison... He ventured for something that made him wild, he knows it sounded strange and preposterous.

He was a puppet! A mere doll was all he was; an object with no emotions or anything... Yet something woke him up, something inside triggered him to search until he made it to the door. The bathroom. Now why on earth would he be there? It was simple really, he opened the door to be slightly ajared. With those emotionless, crimson eyes he saw something magnificent. something that desired him more... There standing was a naked Deidara, the way the water sprinkled on his soft blond hair; the way the water made it shiny.

He cannot believe that something inside him wanted to capture and ravish the lovely blond, his only human part of him... The one in the form of a cylander device was having feelings for the young Iwa nin. Sasori's eyes examined his body as it glistens once the water began to run down his creamy, thin body. The way Deidara began to use the soap and rub his stomach up towards his chest and rubbing his arms before rubbing his lovely face, Sasori's eyes and body began to feel different and almost mesmorized.

He looks away and gently closes the door, going to his room and releases an amount of breath. He had been holding his breath for a while. Now he has him right where he wants him, his lips kissing and sucking until leaving a red mark. Making sure that Deidara belongs to him and no one else, no male or female will ever claim him. Sasori works down towards his chest as his pink tongue licks and leaving trails of his saliva, hearing the moans of ecstacy coming from the blond.

One mischevious hand slipped in Deidara's pants and searches for the one thing to make him squeal and scream out his name. Sasori did not care if everyone in Akatsuki heard him and it didn't matter at all, his wooden hand grabbed the member and quickly starts working on it. Deidara's breathing begins to quicken its pace and the redness on his cheeks intensifies, feeling something boiling inside. Sasori smirked and continued kissing all around Deidara's soft belly, kissing, sucking, and licking the belly until he kissed up again towards his chest.

The other hand tears the shirt away as his fingers pinched the defenseless nipple. Deidara tilts his head up and squealed softly then his eyes shot open when his pants were removed. He began to worry and feel uncomfortable all of a sudden, he tried to ask what was going on when a mouth devoured his own. Sasori began to kiss him roughly and excitingly as Deidara could not moan out loudly when something slides inside him. His whole body writhed underneath the puppet master.

Sasori smirks while he continued, he then made the kiss deeply by slipping his tongue in Deidara's mouth so that their tongues play and their saliva to mix. One night away from their mission and this night was their last as they made love and slept by each other's side until morning arise. Sasori never did finish his sentence and with a soft whisper into the young blond's ear he began.

"Aishiteru... Deidara"

Was the same last thing he said before departing for the unknown. Trapped in his room with the door locked, doing nothing but cry and cry. After snatching the ring from Tobi and staring at it. Examining its structure; its beauty and just the sight of such fine ring only makes him remember. His touch, his eyes, and even his warmth, he wasn't just a doll or a puppet... He was something more precious, Deidara has just lost something so close and deep in his heart. He felt the whole world burst into pieces when he saw the horrible sight, not just Hiroku going into pieces or the fact the Kazekage puppet was also destroyed...

No there was something far worse as Zetsu had pointed him out, the blond carefully and anxiously went over. Each step was a step closer to what will happen in the future, each step counts the time and his life. When he reached towards three fallen puppets; both of them holding something. Deidara's eyes widened when he noticed... Blood; a pool of blood and on it was _him._ His source of life was pierced with two swords, the Iwa nin fell to his knees and crawled over.

Gently grabbing the body of a familiar red haired and lifting him up, his heart seemed to stop pulsing, his throat tensed, and his whole body began to shake. Barely breathing and able to make a movement, the Suna nin could see a blur when his vision cleared up. He can see his only beloved; his blond and his partner, as for Deidara... He can feel many things and fear was one of them and his breathing was becoming restless.

"...Dei... Deida-ra..." Sasori whispered weakly.

"...S-Sasori-danna..." Deidara could barely make a syllable with his throat all tensed up that it was painful.

Gently the blond took Sasori and leaned him against his trembling body, gently wrapped his arms around but being careful not to hurt him. It was the only time they can share the silence, no discussion, no noise... Nothing at all and it was fine and relaxing. Deidara wanted to give him just a bit of peace; a bit of seren and relaxation and just keeping him close was all he wanted. Sasori knew what his lover was doing, in that moment he can feel at ease and relaxed himself despite the sword sticking out from where his "heart" was. Leaning against his partner; his lover and slightly looked up at the sky.

The clear sky it was calling for him, it was his time to depart from the earth and to be away from his only love. The only person who gave him companionship, but most importantly... Sasori did not feel so lonely. His restless soul felt great when beside Deidara, and that night was a gift for both of them. He gave his love and so did Deidara, the two exchanged kisses, pleasure, and their love towards each other. Sasori had never felt so complete and he was glad that he once kept his flame on, his passion for art will die along with him. His affection and love for Deidara will always live on...

"Aishiteru... Deidara..."

Deidara blinked and looked down and smiled softly as his hand gently brushed against the puppet's cheek, he caressed and stroked him. Closing his eyes and held him closer, knowing that he belonged to Sasori made him happy. His features were just wonderful, such an amazing sight indeed... Akasuna no Sasori was truly perfect art. As the blond continued to touch him gently, he noted something. He felt something strange that his eyes shot open. Something was wrong.

"...Sasori-danna?"

No answer.

"..S.. Sasori-danna?"

Nothing.

"Don't... don't... stop joking around, un! ...Sasori-danna...? Onegai... onegai, don't do this to me... d-danna...?"

Tears dropped to the ground and his embrace on the dead Suna nin only tightened. Deidara felt the amount of pain surging throughout his body and only tightened more. His breathing increased as this was becoming unbearable, his muscles just tensed and his heart began to beat uncontrollably that he was starting to have an anxiety attack. This was not his day and he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes as the tears kept flowing.

"...DANNA!! NOOOO!!!"

He screamed and cried harder, he stayed there... Holding him, crying hard and loud; whimpering and cursed the person or people responsible for Sasori's death. Since then he did not leave his room, he stared at the mirror and the ring and felt pain consuming his broken heart. It's been several days since that tragic day and the weeks went by when Deidara finally came out of the security of his room. He wouldn't let Tobi share the room because the Iwa nin was not ready, once the two became somewhat friends.

As Deidara tried to get accostumed by the mentioning of "sempai" everytimg Tobi uses it after saying his name, just like when Dedaira used to say "Danna" to honor his only love. He could only sound serious towards the goofy and energetic Akatsuki. During their missions together in capturing any Jinchuuriki, the blond's mind wasn't always focused. It always drifts away and remembers his beloved Sasori... When he is not here, nothing is the same. No more discussing about whose art was better or anything. No more passionate nights or kisses, that one time he confessed was wonderful...

It was only one night and Deidara cherished that one night and it was night he lost it with the handsome puppet. Without him, without his dominance and that sense of security Deidara felt when he was beside him. Now it was all different and he felt empty, deep inside his heart was hollow with and endless hole of loneliness and sorrow. Deidara can't help, but always feel despair...

_When you are not here_

_Nothing is the same_

_I need your warmth_

_I need to hear your voice_

_If you could be here_

_I'd so much for you..._

After seein the Iwa nin in action everyone in Akatsuki was led to believe that he was fine; that it was about time he got over the death of Akasuna no Sasori. Who now watches over from the skies above; who now sits on a cloud and looking down at earth. His serious crimson eyes staring intently at his former organization, but most of all on the blond Akatsuki. He has been watching him over the months and never thought it made such an impact. Even though the puppet was nothing, but a spirit... He can't help, but feel irritated seeing that other man pestering Deidara with that energetic, child like manner.

The way he said "Sempai" irked Sasori. That's not it though... When Deidara was all alone and no one was around to hear or witness this, he would get his small cup and a large bottle. The poor Iwa nin began to drink sake all those nights and became drunk. Violently destroying everything in his room, his clay masterpiece and even the puppets that Sasori left behind.

When Deidara became drunk he became that broken, empty person and released all his pain and sorrow. Even so... It wasn't enough and he drank and drank until there was no more, until he went to lay on the bed. Even then he was still in pain as he cried and cried, whimpering and feeling his chest aching. Those nights pained the puppet every time he saw his beloved become wild and going into a state of despair. Who can blame him? He was lonely; in agony and felt totally empty.

"...I'm so sorry..." Sasori whispered to himself with a frown.

The important mission began and even though Deidara was still not feeling well, he had to hide his emotions and put on that grin on his face. Even if it pains him to do it he had to, this was an important mission anyway. Deidara and Tobi needed to pursue either the Kyuubi vessle or the little Uchiha. Either way they ended up confronting the avenger, Sasuke. The way the Uchiha looked so similar to Itachi, despite how Deidara is in the same group as he is he never really appreciated Itachi.

Actually this would be a good opportunity; to kill this younger Uchiha so that he can prepare for the real target. The battle began as soon as an explosive clay was thrown. During the battle as Sasuke struggled, but never showed any signs of fear. Something Deidara knew and when his eyes locked onto Sasuke's Sharingan, he knew what was going to happen. He didn't care and continued the battle; it was intense and harsh for the both of them.

Once the Uchiha went to curse seal level two did the battle boiled up and once Deidara used his horrible jutsu; the C4 Garuda he thought he had this match over. No, not yet... He still lives, Deidara became restless but that's how he wanted. He knows what to do next and when he and Sasuke sat inches away in front of each other. At that moment he knew what to do, before he could start he began to shed tears.

Deidara lets his tears out as Sasuke watched with confusion, it was then the Iwa nin's hand mouth took away the stitches from the large mouth on his chest. Deidara still released his tears and with the chewed up clay now sliding in the mouth chest he smiled. _I'm coming Sasor-danna... I will never be alone, I will be with you once again... wait for me..._ Before dying as he said his last phrase and then exploded.

Above the skies and where heaven awaits, the mystical sanctuary allowed the lonely Deidara in. At once he began to look around, to let him know that he's here and wanting to embrace him. Beyond the lovely and enchanted mist, there was something sitting on a cloud. With red hair and wearing a long black cloak, there was also a halo above his head. The blond approached carefully and when the red haired lifts his head up; distinctive crimson red eyes could be seen.

Immidiately, Deidara's blue eyes welled up in tears as he approached and even the red haired puppet stood up to walk towards the blond. Both of them came closer and closer until they were eye to eye, they studied each other and noticed how long their bodies wanted to feel each other. At that instant, Deidara threw his arms around Sasori's neck. Crying into his chest as he embraced tighter, as for the once great puppet master. There was no denying that he greatly missed his partner; his companion, and his only lover. His arms gently went around the Iwa nin's hip and hugged softly while he kisses his forehead and rests his chin on top of Deidara's head. The two lovers remained in that embrace, neither wanted to break it.

Both cherished this moment now that they're finally reunited, one lonely soul together with the other. As though a bee cannot be without a rose, without its beauty, without its sweetness, and without the softness of its petals. It is what Sasori felt once he pulled his lover closer so that his body leaned against him, during the moment of their reunion... It was unbelievable, everyone knows that objects do not feel and they most certainly do not shed a tear.

Yes, that is exactly what he is doing right now. In moments like these when his source of life can feel the impact of being reunited with his love, when his heart can feel the impact of this feeling and he knows that it's making him feel this compassionate state. The more he blinks the more tears were flushed out from his sparkling rose red eyes, they trickled down towards his chin and soaked a bit of Deidara's hair. Sasori never cries, but today was a moment for his tears to finally be released.

A moment that only the blond can wittness and feel the intense of how his body was reacting, and the puppet's body was beginning to shake as Sasori whimpered softly and just cried. Deidara looked up and stared into his sorrow eyes and the way his lips trembled as he cried, this churned the blond's heart and smiles sadly. It was a good sign though, it means that Sasori also missed him and really wanted to feel him again. Suddenly the Suna nin released Deidara and places both of his hands on the blond's cheek.

He stares intensely into the Iwa nin's beautiful blue eyes, Sasori's lips curved up into a small smile and leaned down towards him. Pressing his lips gently against Deidara's and kissed him softly, kissing him to savor the taste of the blond's lips and moving his tongue inward to lick around the inside of Deidara's mouth. The blond moaned softly while in between his kisses, he only deepened it before Sasori breaks it away and smiles handsomely at him.

"Deidara... I missed you.." He began softly.

"Sasori-danna... I missed you too..." The blond replies with a tear in his eye.

Sasori gently places his finger towards Deidara's eye and rubs away the tear that was about to come out, nuzzling his nose against the blond's cheek and whispered into his ear. "Aishteru..."

"Aishiteru... Sasori-danna..." Deidara kissed his cheek and closes his eyes.

_When you were not here_

_I shed my tears_

_Now that I am in heaven_

_I am reunited with my love_

_Now we'll be together_

_Forever..._

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Some Japanese stuff needs to be cleared and I'm here to help Ok now. So what you think? Enjoyed it? I really hope so, like I said it's the first yaoi fic. So I hope it's pretty good.

Aishiteru - I love you

Naze - Why

Sumimasen - I'm sorry


End file.
